Friends are forever?

Here's something I've not had before. Friends. And I mean real honest to goodness 'we're practically family' friends. Until very recently, when I reached out to a group of people who shared a common interest with me: gaming. When I sent out that message telling them I was running a game, I expected, knew even, that it wouldn't pan out. No one would show up or they would but it wouldn't really be a big thing.

I confess I'm a little paranoid when it comes to friendships. So when my game night friends turned into my every day friends, it frightened me. To the point where I really was afraid of trusting any of them. Sometimes I relapse into that. I blame anxiety and a lifetime of bullying...

The best part is that my friends know this and love me anyway. They constantly reassure me and let me know how much they care...in between casual teasing...(that's how I know it's real. If they were nice all the time, I would be very suspicious...)

Anyway I'm loving my friends now more than ever. My truck died and they have been carting me around a lot lately, especially when I had this big job interview. I'm so grateful for them.

Friends may not always be forever. You have to work on friendships. I've found some worth working for and the best part is, it's mutual.

It's been a while i know.

Yes I have not posted in a while. I've been very busy with life in general.

So I had begun to work at Waffle House. That did not last long. It all started when I decided I wanted to try to apply for food benefits. Yeah I was hungry, don't judge me lol. So I needed more work hours than I had been getting so I applied to many jobs and, after 4 interviews and 2 weeks of training, Waffle House hires me. It took me just another two weeks to figure out that food service is not my strong suit. So I put in my two weeks notice.

Now I work for an at home senior care agency.

  I've been working more regularly at AWANA at my church and I love teaching kids about Jesus. And speaking of which, I got a new job at the YMCA working in their after school program. Because I am so passionate about teaching children about Jesus, it is hard to step back at a childcare job and merely supervise. I much prefer to be engaging. But I understand that most children do not enjoy coming from school for more learning.

Game night with my friends has been awesome. We recently celebrated Christmas together and they gave me one of the game manuals with a note that read:
     'Merry Christmas. Here's hoping you don't kill our characters before the new year.'

So hilarious. It's okay though, I have a fabulous plan for this week's game.

Just chilling...

Just chilling today. I've pretty much got my D&D bag set up the way I want it. I'll take pics of some of the stuff later but right now the cutest doggie in the world is catnapping on my lap and I refuse to wake her.

Ive been trying to apply for a job working at the same daycare as E. I love children and especially love working with babies and toddlers. The application is on a PDF and for some reason my computer will not let me download anything! I can't even save pictures off of google! Sooo annoying! So now I'm using the iPad to see if I can't fill it out on here and email it straight to them.

I have one job, working at children's birthday parties and the like but it's the kind of job you just do because you love it...not because it pays well. Because it doesn't. So I need another job.

I went to open interviews at McDonalds...never heard back! I find it very hard to believe that I'm not qualified for McDonalds...but I also applied at other fast food establishments as well. I don't want to work fast food, but if it pays well I'll take it at this point.

The struggle is real but I'm getting there. Get a job, fix my truck, hit the road...sort of.

More prep work!

I've done a bit more prep work this week. But first...a little gripe.
this new player (A) that joined us has been playing for about 2 years. Now he has nothing on S who has been playing for 5 or 6 years but he fancies himself an expert. Now I know you don't have to be the most experienced to be a DM and S has really been helpful as I learn 5th
 edition. But A...well...


I knew I was feeling like he had a little more power than he should have. And since I'm unfamiliar with all the rules, there's no good way for me to call him on it. So yesterday S and I went to Books A Million, pulled the handbook and studied like finals were coming up. We did discover a few discrepancies but nothing that shouted AHA! He beith a false cleric! But as I understand it, if you're going to be a cleric you take on a somewhat supportive role. You stay back a bit, heal the others, offer some magical assistance. You don't cast handle animal on 3 wolves and use them as a tank leaving no fighting opportunities for anyone else...especially when there's a character that could really use healing. That little act kind of went all over me. I don't know much about handle animal so I couldn't decide if it made sense for him to adopt them, name them, and send them out into the next battle. One of the wolves died...and he healed it/brought it back to life and I just sat there like...'I don't think that's right...but I honestly have no clue!'
I'm still saving up to buy a Players Handbook and. DM guide but until then I have to treat BAM like a library reference.


I can tell this guy is a power gamer, no doubt but power gaming as a strategy and bs-Ing the noob DM to your own gain are two different things...


One other minor annoyance, this guy lent me a DM screen and then kept watching me roll to make sure I wasn't cheating. That sort of bugged me. But I digress. I bought my own DM screen. One thing I love about G2K games is they give you a little store credit for hosting games. This really helps when trying to offset the cost of game supplies.

Drifting

I find it hard to pray sometimes. A lot of times actually. I trust God, I do. But often I find my prayers to be less humble and more whiny...there's only so many ways to say 'my life stinks' without coming across as ungrateful. Perhaps I am a bit ungrateful. I've had a lot of opportunity and time and again I've blown it. I've had great experiences and pretty cool adventures. But it's difficult to be grateful in the moments when you feel like nothing is going your way. O haven't been to church in a while and it's even harder when I don't get that encouragement from other Christians around me.


The fact is that I need to pray more and I struggle with prayer. I can spout my opinions all day but bringing my troubles to God is...well at least it feels whiny. I believe in spiritual warfare and I believe Satan uses it against Christians. I know that he doesn't want me to pray. He wants me to feel cut off from God. I desperately need to keep this in mind when I avoid praying.


Anyway, it's just something that's been bugging me.


On another note I want to do better about watching my language. Most of the time when I'm around my friends I tend to relax my internal filter and I use some words unnecessarily. Maybe I'll make a swear jar...or something to that effect...

Week 2: I know nothing

S and I haven't seen each other in nearly two years...so we met around noon at the mall to hang out. We ate lunch, walked around and then talked while I finished the map. S has been through this campaign before but she's good enough at role play to keep her knowledge away from her character.


So it started off okay...
The PCs decide that instead of hiding their cart in order to chase a goblin's trail, they come up with a convoluted scheme that requires them to carry half their supplies. I try to steer them towards the easier solution but to no avail. Z's character Aidenn is now lugging 60lbs. worth of crowbars. So they find the trail, I use a trap to bring in the new player A.


A is definitely the closest I've gotten to meeting an expert on D&D. So I do feel like an idiot at times. He reassured me that he was the same way starting out but I can't help but feeling that he's silently judging me...I did have the problem of him watching my dice rolls like a hawk. Even though he lent me his DM screen it didn't stop him from monitoring my rolls. It was really just a bit annoying.


Oh and then S nearly died...in the first room, of the first cave, in the whole campaign. Here's what happened.


I applaud both S and Z for their desire to truly play out their personalities. Inspiration to both, no doubt! But...ahhh...
Me: The chimney is thirty feet high and narrow, you can feel the draft coming from the top.
Z: F*** it. I'm throwing a rock up the chimney...like a big rock.
Me: Roll a strength check. >.<


So basically both he and S throw some rocks up the chimney alerting the bugbear in the room above. The bugbear sends his minion goblins around the RIGHT way and E and A have to deal with them. The bugbear peers down the chimney and calls out who goes there and guess who answers? You got it. In true character S is proclaiming her dwarven heritage all the way up her ancestral tree. Good on her! But that's not enough.
By now I'm kind of freaking out. S is going to die if she...
S: Can we shoot an arrow up the chimney with a rope attached?
Z: Omg yeah!
Me: Omg are you...? Sigh...roll a D20...
Z: SUCCESS!


At this point I'm plotting my revenge in order to save S from fighting the boss by herself. She climbs the rope. Bugbear be waitin at the top of that chimney. She gets ready to jump back down but the bugbear grapples her and the wolf attacks, she takes 8 damage. So she's down to 2hp. Z doesn't catch her, I roll. 2 damage. She's dying...but not dead. A is able to heal her but I think she's enjoying her character almost as much as E is. Z is also loving the role play part as proven by his antics in the chimney.


But I really need to educate myself on the rules. Cause I'm really feeling the OP on A's character but I can't prove that he shouldn't be able to already heal at will whenever. And what the hell is a cantrip in D&D? So much more studying so little time.
 

Prep Work...more like homework

So eager. So excited. The new DM doesn't have a clue.
I went to the library (still my favorite place on earth) with my campaign binder in tow, fully prepared to do some hard core game prep. Armed with my gridlined poster and a pencil and sharpie, I was ready to go!


Almost 2 hours later I am renewing my computer time again so I can finish all my tokens that I've so painstakingly put together! After another hour I finish, pro t to card stock and finally return to the table that I've effectively hidden under poster, purse, papers, and more. I sit down and decide I can punch out tokens later. This map needs to be drawn. Another hour passes and it occurs to me: I am not a cartographer...not at all. So tokens it is!
Even after spending several hours at the library I still didn't finish my map. I ended up finishing it at the mall before the meet up. The map drawing felt more like homework but only because, I believe, I was over thinking how accurate it needed to be. So note to self: Don't focus so hard on the minute details. A general idea is fine.